The Beautiful Tragedy of Being In Love With An Addict

Deciding to go to rehab is hard, and a strong support system helps through the entire process. People with addiction can face health problems, including lung disease, heart disease, stroke, and other mental health conditions. Drug addiction is considered a “relapsing” disease, meaning that people in addiction recovery are at increased risk of returning to drugs, even years after their use has stopped. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, addiction is a chronic brain disease characterized by compulsive drug seeking and use despite negative consequences. The younger a person is when they begin substance abuse, the higher the risk of developing an addiction.

Additionally, it will increase your ability to be available for other people who need you. After multiple treatment centers, I entered Casa and feel like a switch clicked. Casa Palmera gave me a second chance at “Living the Life” I’ve always wanted.

An Addict’s Relationship With Their Physical and Mental Health

While loving an addict can certainly cause conflict, it can be possible to have a healthy relationship with someone who is willing to take the steps of going through treatment and healing. Let your partner know that if they refuse to seek treatment, you will not be able to provide them with money, a place to stay, or something else they require from your relationship. There’s very little you can do, and you certainly can’t fix the person. Addiction is a complex disease, and there’s no amount of threatening or begging that’s going to eliminate the problem. Instead, one of the best things you can do when you love an addict is making sure you’re not enabling them.

What is the best thing to say to an addict?

Be clear in what you want to communicate to them, and don't hesitate to bring up your own feelings about the situation—in a calm way. In fact, saying how you feel is often a good starting point. Tell your loved one how it hurts and worries you to see them addicted to drugs and how you fear for their safety.

I feel like I have gone crazy, and the self doubt and guilt haunts me. I never thought I would be experiencing this and to this day I still am. I know my husband is in there, and I am hoping he comes to terms with his addiction before it’s too late. I am worried I will receive a phone call that he has either been arrested or worse has been hurt. We live in a small community and we are both very well known.

Accept that you can’t change them

In such cases, a loved one can get involved by ensuring that the addict attends scheduled treatment sessions and does not miss a dose or take more than their prescribed medication. An addict’s job performance is also likely to suffer, which can lead to relationship problems with their boss or coworkers. The addict would start coming in late, taking long breaks, or calling in sick more often.


We moved so he could be closer to his sober support group but he won’t reach out. But I don’t want to live this way for the rest of my life. It’s like waiting for the floor to drop out from under you again. I don’t want to lose the wonderful person that we had for a bit, but I don’t want to put myself through these painful feelings just waiting for him to appear. You can’t fix your loved one, but you can support them as they begin developing the motivation to change.

Steps to Improve Mental Health

Be clear about the consequences of violating the boundaries and make sure you follow through, otherwise it’s confusing for the addict and unfair for everyone. Pretending that your boundaries aren’t important will see the addict’s behaviour get worse as your boundaries get thinner. When you can be as truthful as possible with yourself about your own enabling behaviors, you can begin to make different choices. This will lead to healthier changes in your addicted loved one as well. For example, you might decide to tell the addict in your life that you will no longer listen to them complain about their lives. However, you can let them know that you are very willing to be there for them as soon as they are ready to work on resolving their problems.


An example of a behavioral addiction can be an internet or gaming addiction. Search by your age, location, treatment program and level of care to find the solution that best fits your needs. We understand your need for privacy as the Loved One of someone with an addiction, and we definitely honor that. We have never met nor have had any contact except through your most amazing book. The title grabbed my attention straight away so, I picked it up and started reading it. …to offer access to trained Counselors and/or Recovery Coaches who are there to support you through this challenging experience, as your journey of transformation unfolds….

What Is The Difference Between A Person Who Is Addicted And A Person Who Is An Abuser?

However, families have unique dynamics and will approach addiction differently, if at all. Some families try to avoid dealing with addiction, while others become overly involved in their lives. We are both so grateful for Candace’s help and guidance as we live our lives in the midst of a nightmare. I like that you provided clear descriptions that set up examples of individual addictive cases, and showed practical solutions in how to address the various problems. I really liked the quotes at the beginning of each chapter, in fact, I looked forward to them because they were so insightful. If your loved one has chosen to begin treatment, that’s a good sign they are on the road to a life without substance abuse.

  • One of the most effective ways to handle an addict is to encourage them to regain control of their lives, without enabling them.
  • It’s common for an individual in an abusive relationship to want to stay with their abuser because they remember the good times and believe that they can bring back that life.
  • We offer treatment for chemical dependencies such as cocaine addiction, drug addiction and alcoholism.
  • We are both so grateful for Candace’s help and guidance as we live our lives in the midst of a nightmare.

I especially like how each case study ends off with a positive outcome for the loved one of the addicted person. Candace shows you that the key to changing this painful reality for yourself lies in shifting your focus from your loved one’s addiction to your own self-care. Loving An Addict, Loving Yourself was my crucial first step in breaking free from the pain of an addictive relationship. It was instrumental in creating the joyful life I’m now living. People who abuse addictive substances are still capable of love, and they may deeply love their family members and friends. It isn’t a lack of love that leads them to abuse substances.

Types of Love Addiction Dynamics

But weeks and months went by and I could see a huge shift in his behaviour. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he had ppl over, not his trusted though, some old and new friends he had made, or he would be out the whole night. All these friends are problematic and I knew were using him.

behavioral health

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